Is it over?

Tuesday, 24 June I started experiencing terrible cramps but was not overly worried as I was told that my ovaries were the size of oranges and would be painful. I did check with the gynae and was assured that this was normal. But by late afternoon I was feeling terrible and very uncomfortable.

I left work early and drank 2 panados and climbed into bed. Fortunately, my one friend was off that day and I smsed her to tell her how I was feeling. Her sister had also been pregnant before and she explained to her sister the pains that I was having. It was okay for a while but then I felt that it was not getting better only worse. I phoned my friend and asked her to take me to hospital.

I arrived at emergency and was seen by the doctor on duty. I described the pains to him and he asked if there was any bleeding (sorry TMI). I said no. He requested a urine sample. I walked to the bathroom and without going into too much detail, stared at the toilet paper in front of me - it was red. I immediately started crying knowing that it was over. I walked out and told him. He said he would phone my gynae. My gynae said that I needed to be admitted and put on bed rest.

My friend went home to pack my stuff and I was sent to a ward. The following day the gynae did blood tests and a scan and the baby was fine. I was discharged the following day and booked off for a week.

Friday afternoon a friend pops in to see me and I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I look down and there it is again, blood. I scream and start crying believing that this really is the end. Its pack a bag and back to hospital. I am admitted and prescribed Uterogestan to help with the implantation of the embryo.

On Saturday morning the gynae on duty does a scan and tells me that he is not happy with what he sees. For a sex week foetus the baby should have been more developed at this stage. He is worried that the baby is not growing properly and prescribes blood tests (Beta HCG) to see if my count is increasing. I am terribly worried and just want to cry. The afternoon my blood tests come back and I speak to the nurse / Sister and she says "they are fine as your count is increasing that is all that matters". Yay, everyone is fine. Or is it?

Sunday more blood tests and yay the count is increasing. Mommy to-be is happy but should she be?

Monday, I ask who is coming to see me my gynae or the one that had seen me the entire weekend. The Sister says she will find out for me. They phone to my gynae's rooms and he is oblivious to the fact that I am in hospital. No-one informed him!!!

I am wheeled up to his rooms on the fourth floor and dont know what I must feel. I climb onto the table and he proceeds to scan. At this stage I am six weeks pregnant and should hear a heart beat. He puts on the sound and this is what I hear, doof - doof, doof-doof, eiek, eiek. It sounds like someone is in distress. The someone is my baby and its bust dying. He tells me I am sorry my girl but your baby is busy aborting itself. The sound I heard was the heartbeat of a baby in distress. My baby was slowing dying. All the blood tests were wrong. My count had been increasing but not at the rate it should have been. I cry and dont know what to do. He tells me to stop with the Uterogestan and prescribes meds so that the foetus can detach itself from my womb and come out of my body. He assures me that I will start to bleed in two days time.

I am wheeled back to my ward where two friends wait for me. I pack and in a daze I leave hospital and go home. My body has let me down and it already starts to feel empty.