The horrible truth

I cannot think about anything else but the fact that I might not be able to have a baby. I even start thinking about adoption.

A week after my surgery I see my gynae. Its question time from my side. I walk into his office after him giving me the all clear. I am so angry with him. How could he not have picked up the baby in the tube? Why did he not rule out an ectopic pregnancy as a cause for my bleeding and pain? What now? What does it mean to only have one fallopian tube?

There is a definite edge in my voice. I hate this man sitting before me. What has he done? Tears build up in my eyes and I swallow them tasting salt. I am so upset. He proceeds to tell me that there was no way of knowing that there was a baby in my tube - for 11 weeks it grew in a tube making my tube its home instead of my uterus.

My gynae continues explaining that I will still have normal periods and the remaining tube will take over the function of the missing tube. So even though my left ovary no longer has a tube into which it can release its egg, the right tube will work on its behalf.

Small consolation for me. I am told that I will need to have AI's still and if anything happens to my remaining tube that IVF would be my only option. I cannot afford IVF. I ask him if there is a way of knowing if there is something wrong with my tube he says that there is no way of knowing if it was damaged.

I leave his office disheartened. I am told to come and see him in a months time.

I make the conscious decision not to talk about babies and erase any thoughts from my mind.

Ha, a little difficult when the finals of the baby competition my shopping centre is hosting is less than a week away!