Going home

Its been nearly a month since my last post. What's been happening you are asking yourselves? Well each day when I think I will sit down and type something happens to distract me and oh of course OPM. I keep telling myself today I must blog and nothing. So I was going to dash off to buy the chocolates for my work yera end function but decided to rather post. Can get the chocolates later. Anyway would be tempted to eat one - Lindt - who can resist them? Anyone?

Let's continue...

On Thursday the day before I am due to go home my blood pressure is sky high. Secretly I am glad cause maybe just maybe the gynae will allow me to stay an extra day. Imagine that, someone who actually wants to stay in hospital?

Friday comes and I am going home. Its terrible. Taking home the flowers and all my baby things that I brought for the twins. To think I came into hospital with a stomach and now I am going home minus a stomach but nothing to show for it.

My birthing partner offers to host me for the weekend and I collect my stuff that afternoon and move in with her and her family. I cant stop crying. Its a terrible feeling and I cannot get my mind around the idea that they are lying in hospital on their own.

My friend asks me what is it that I am worried about. I say what if... something happens to them. Erin is so tiny with an incubator as her home. She makes this pitiful cry and it pains me to see her that way. Wade is not in an incubator and sleeps in the standard hospital crib. Both are not feeding on their own and have tubes down their throats to assist them. I cant watch when they put the tube down their throat. In someways seeing them actually upsets me more. I love seeing them but I worry what if their condition has not improved or they do grasp the feeding concept?

I now realise that I thought the difficult part was getting through my pregnancy and delivering healthy babies. Not so. Now the real worrying starts.

Strange that the moment you learn that you are pregnant you start to worry and the reality is that I will worry till the day I take my final breathe about these two beautiful babies I have created and that God has blessed me with.