Birth-day continued

Okay so I decided I would let all my "fans" have another installment. It seems like I have a bit of a readership who like following my blog. I did not post anything yesterday so will give another installment today.

The day progesses with phone calls and smses streaming in. Despite the pethadine injection I dont sleep. There is just too much adrenalin pumping through my veins. I am a mother. Its a new beginning for me. I have no further updates about my babies but dont worry assuming they are in the nursery. In the afternoon a nurse from the Neonatal Intensive Care comes to see me and requests their dummies. "Please dont worry but your babies are in High Care". WTF!!! What is going on here. My gynae arrives and asks me if I have seen my babies. Not yet. Well he instructs the nurses to wheel me to NICU. Its not so easy. I cannot exactely hop out of the bed. Its so painful but I am assisted and put into a wheelchair drips and all. I am wheeled in my designer blue pj's (looking my absolute worst - no chance of meeting Mr Right today).

I dont know what to expect. No-one warned me about this. My daughter is in an incubator lying in only a tiny prem nappy. She has a monitor strapped to her foot which is hooked up to a machine to monitor her pulse. A tiny tube has been inserted down her throat. This tube is attached to a syringe through which she is fed. She is sleeping. Her dummy is too big for her mouth. My son is in a little bassinet lying next door to her. I reach out to touch him. They are so tiny and I start to cry. I was not prepared for this. Why are my babies not lying with my in the ward? I am told my son swallowed a lot of amniotic fluid and my daughter cannot maintain her body heat. They take her out of the incubator and wrap her in a pink blanket. I get to hold her for a few minutes. Tears start to stream down my cheeks. Its too much to handle. With no-one to comfort me I cannot bear to see my tiny little girl like this. My son I get to hold for longer. He is being fed minimal amounts of milk. After a while I am wheeled back to my room. I am upset and dont know how to handle this.

What I do know is that my babies will not be coming home with me when I leave on Friday. Something I know I will not be able to handle.